i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
