I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
