Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
