so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
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Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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