he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she told me i tasted like america
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
