I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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