My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Randomize
