my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
