Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize