that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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