i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
