Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
