Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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