Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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