I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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