That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
