we made out on top of his cat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
