week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
