My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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