woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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