Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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