just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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