Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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