he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
