she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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