Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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