C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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