Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
