Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
