I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
