She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
