Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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