yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This baby is an asshole
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
