i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
