We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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