Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
