why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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