What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
