I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
time to smoke my breakfast
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
