ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
