Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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