why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
