There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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