just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
