The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
