i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
