3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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