I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A bitchslap is in order.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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