I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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