Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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