Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
