I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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