I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
