But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
