Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
