i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
