There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
