come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
