okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
