He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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