ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
