My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
