Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
