just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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