Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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