it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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