I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
