Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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