she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
