I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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